PuppetMusings of an Underling
by FluorescentTearsWeCryTonight
Summary: OneShot SasoDei ficlet. What is it like to be left alone, with your thoughts being the only words to guide you? Deidara's POV. Complete.


::Disclaimer-I DO NOT own the rights to Naruto Shippuden or any of the characters listed below, those belong to the wonderful author. I don't really know where this idea came from, but I wrote this awhile back, for livejournal, and thought it would be interesting to post it here. Mainly just Deidara's musings about his danna (shounen-ai alert!), after he died, a bit OOC at parts maybe, just maybe. Tell me what you think, and ENJOY!::

To loose ones emotions at such a young age must surely be a horrible experience, and yet I can't help but wonder what you were thinking when you took the instruments to your own body, carving away as if pain meant absolutely nothing to you. . . .Then again, maybe it didn't (who am I to say?). Did you always want to live forever? Or was it in those dying moments of regret that you finally realized you could cheat your own life away by becoming a hallow tool? I never could understand that side of you . . . not even now, and you've been gone for nearly a year. You always said my ways of art were pointless, _'you aren't a real artist, real artists don't blow things up'_, or so you claimed. I actually believed you for the longest time, until I noticed you smirking behind those red bangs that were always so unruly . . .

Those eyes of yours blared deep into my soul, almost mockingly really, just like the chaste kisses you'd give me when you thought I wasn't awake during the night; my lips still burn from your touch. Everything was like a dream to you wasn't it? It was like a dream for me . . . barely there, yet somewhat clear.

So, it's not hard to say that I can't help but cry on nights like these when our Leader mocks your death . . . or when Tobi continues to nag me about the 'danna' that used to be; I hate that, really I do. You shouldn't have died, no, you couldn't have died! You said you'd live forever even past my own death, which at the moment seems almost reachable even for me (I haven't really been thinking straight ever since that day, or should I say less straight than I ever did). I always told you how I wanted to die with a bang, tons of blood, and cringing . . . like a firecracker, KABOOM! Those thoughts come to mind now, only you aren't here to stop me this time. Nobody is here to stop me for that matter. I can fly. KABOOM!

Everything is as it was before you left, well, minus the fact that I've been given a new partner . . . although I'll never grant him the honor of being called my danna . . . no, he doesn't deserve that title. He's a moron, a fool; I should really think about feeding him to Zetsu one of these days. Did I mention Zetsu wanted to eat you after you died? I couldn't control myself, I hit him . . . he hasn't really spoken to me the same way since, to be honest. I think it fazes me more now than it did before.

However, the one thing I miss most is waking up to see your face; you were never afraid to let your guard down around me, not even when you pretended to sleep just to satisfy my idiotic whims. You said we weren't lovers, but we weren't just friends either. Was there something that went in-between that could describe what we had . . . Partnership? Companionship, lust, longing, every little word but love was in our vocabulary. Screw it; I loved you, no beating around the bush now like I did before . . . it doesn't matter anyway, you can't read this, you never will. Love. It was love. Damn the others for saying our emotions were useless, used only to bring us down. We could've been brought down together though. Could have. Didn't.

I miss you, although it's pointless for one to get so attached to someone that wasn't even a living being in the first place; sort of hard to say now. So now, as I leave your grave (you weren't really given a proper burial, but I did leave a marker near the site, when no one was looking), I think back to what we had, and what we will have. For on nights like these when the cold winds blow I look to the sky and take flight, for you, and me, but most importantly, for us.


End file.
